The Kool-Aid Man is responsible for the Great Recession. Yup, you heard it here first, folks: the Kool-Aid Man is responsible. How, you ask? Well consider this: for decades, the Kool-Aid Man, or “Mr. Kool” to his friends, has made a habit of smashing through walls in order to offer his delicious and refreshing (and sugary) drink to kids, adults, babies, even dogs. But what happened next will shock you. The Kool-Aid Man would just leave! Yes, no stopping to figure out the damage he had done. No exchange of insurance information, not even an apology to the property owner. The guy just up and leaves and goes back to whatever fruit punch rock he crawled out from under. That kind of cost adds up. Homeowners across the country were forced to pay for their own repairs, putting up new walls, reinforcing them as needed. It was a lot of work.
And all of that work helped prop up the housing market. The data showed construction going on at an incredible pace. But those fat cats on Wall Street didn’t bother to check why there was so much construction. It was all the repairs made necessary by the Kool-Aid Man! Eventually, lawsuits against “Mr. Kool” began to pile up, and he faced the possibility of many years in jail along with millions in fines. So what did the Kool-Aid Man do? He settled, promised to never break down walls again. Then… the housing crisis and the Great Recession. All because the big man pitcher of Kool-Aid got a bit too big for his britches.
Fortunately, now’s your chance to fix his reputation again. Get out there and smash some walls while giving kids a delicious fruity drink. We’re counting on you now, Mr. Kool!